Never Evers Read online

  But he laughed, too, and I thought I saw him blush slightly. ‘It would be nice, I guess …’

  ‘Well, you need to get famous first, really,’ I said, catching Connie’s eye a few metres away from me. She crossed her arms like a teacher who is really disappointed in your behaviour. I looked away from her quickly and back to Jack. I saw Max and the little blond boy who’d given us the note back standing on the edge of the crowd, near Miss Mardle. They didn’t seem to have noticed Jack talking to me; they were watching the cameramen like everyone else.

  ‘So, what could you get famous for doing?’ I asked. ‘Are you any good at singing? Maybe you could ask Roland to form a double act. You do look a bit like him.’ It was me who blushed this time. Roland was fit. Even in his cringe, topless-in-the-snow posters it was undeniable. I had pretty much told Jack I thought he was fit, too.

  If he had noticed me saying out loud to his face that I basically fancied him, he didn’t show it.

  ‘I can’t really sing at all,’ he said. He shuffled his feet around in the snow like he was weighing things up. ‘Though I am … in … I’m sort of in a … band.’

  ‘Well, there you go, then,’ I smiled. ‘It’s definitely gonna happen, just a matter of time.’ Jack being in a band did add to his hotness. Boys in bands are just fit. Way fitter than boys who do sports, definitely fitter than ballet boys. Boys in bands are edgier and artier. And they might write a song for you. Which is kind of hot. ‘What do you play?’ I asked him.

  ‘Guess.’ He did a very obvious mime of twiddling a guitar.

  ‘Oh, right,’ I said. ‘The trumpet. Cool.’

  We both laughed and, for a second, it felt so easy and comfortable between us. Like I’d known him for ages. ‘No, I’m supposed to be guitar and vocals,’ he said, taking off his beanie to ruffle his thick, dark hair. ‘But I’m not really … frontman material, to be honest.’

  ‘What material are you then?’

  He blinked, looked down at his beanie, then back up at me. ‘I don’t really know, to be honest.’

  I nodded. ‘Yeah, me neither. Or maybe I thought I was one kind of material but I’m not.’

  He shrugged and smiled. ‘Well, at least we’re in the same boat. The Unidentified Material Boat.’ My tummy full on flipped over, like being at the top of a roller coaster.

  ‘What’s your band called, then?’ I asked.

  He sighed, and pulled his beanie back on. ‘Well …’

  ‘Are you actually in a band?’ I folded my arms. ‘Or are you just trying to look cool?’

  ‘No, I am in a band, I swear,’ he laughed. ‘We just don’t have a name at the moment.’

  ‘Well, you need to think of one because you can’t really move on to super fans unless you have a name.’

  ‘I know, I know.’ He nodded apologetically. ‘We’re working on it. If you’ve got any suggestions, just let me know.’

  ‘Let’s see … If I think of one, I think you should make me an honorary member of the band.’

  ‘Done.’ He held out his gloved hand. I shook it with my mittens and then jolted a bit because we had touched, even if only through two layers of wool.

  I tried to think of a band name but my mind went blank. ‘All I can think of is The Beatles.’

  He frowned, mock-serious. ‘I’m pretty sure there’s already a band called The Beatles.’

  ‘Yeah, you’re right. The Beatles are called The Beatles. I think the more random the better,’ I said. ‘It’s probably best to just close your eyes and then name the band after the first thing you see when you open them. That’s how Native Americans name their babies.’

  He closed his eyes and I took the opportunity to look at him properly. His dimpled smile really was amazing. Then he opened them and I looked away.

  ‘The Ski Lifts?’ he said, looking up at the wires above us.

  ‘Hmmm … Not that catchy. Try again.’

  He closed his eyes but kept smiling.

  ‘You need to look in another direction,’ I laughed.

  He twisted his body on the spot, then opened his eyes again at the LANDOR letter-carrying girls, who were shuffling in to the right order now, and getting increasingly hysterical.

  ‘The Girls Who Can’t Spell?’

  ‘That’s good,’ I said. ‘I like that. But it suggests there are girls in the band. Are there?’

  ‘Well, you,’ he grinned. ‘If you can think of a name that isn’t totally rubbish.’

  I closed my eyes and said, ‘What about … Killer Wardrobe Rats?’

  It was the first time anything about last night had been mentioned. He looked down sheepishly. ‘Well … as if anyone brings a hamster on a school trip.’

  ‘Ssshhh.’ I put my finger to my lips, glancing over at Miss Mardle.

  Suddenly there was a huge surge in the crowd. All the girls started screaming ‘Roland!’ again and again and again. It was getting a bit manic. I scanned around for Keira and Connie and suddenly saw Lauren, looking straight at me like she wanted to kill me. I felt a sharp prod of guilt and tried to move a step away from Jack, but there wasn’t any room. There was another surge forward and he knocked in to me hard.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ he shouted.

  I jolted forwards into a gap in the crowd and realized that I didn’t know how to steady myself or even stop myself moving. I lost my balance and the last thing I saw was the sky being swallowed up by loads of people above me.

  I could hear people shouting in a foreign language and someone yelling my name. And then loads and loads more screaming. And then I was pulled to my feet and away from the crowd.

  The embarrassment was overwhelming. I could feel how many people were looking at me, and my cheek was stinging.

  I was the last person to see that the bloke who had pulled me to my feet was Roland.

  Jack

  It took me a few seconds to see what everyone was gasping and shouting and screaming about. At first, I thought they were all pointing their cameras at Mouse lying on the ground, which seemed a bit harsh really. But then the crowd shifted, and I got a clearer view.

  It was like something out of a film. A really, really crap film.

  Roland was wearing the same ridiculous stuff he had on in the posters at the hotel: the skinny jeans, the black leather jacket, and a pair of huge sunglasses. He was about my height, and our hair was the same sort of colour and length, but his was all floppy and swept sideways. He grinned this bright-white superstar grin and knelt down to take Mouse’s hand. Then he pulled her up to her feet and for a second, they both just stood there, looking at each other. All you could hear was the whirr of iPhone cameras.

  Roland pushed his sunglasses up in to his hair, revealing his massive blue eyes, and said something to Mouse in French, but she just blinked and shook her head, saying, ‘Erm … sorry, I don’t …’

  ‘Ah, you are English?’ he said, in his gloopy French accent. Mouse nodded. ‘I was asking, are you all right?’

  Mouse nodded again. She looked like she couldn’t quite believe what was happening, which was fair enough really, as it was pretty unbelievable.

  He gently put his hand on the side of her face, where she had fallen. There was a collective intake of breath from all the girls around me, like they were all about to faint at the same time.

  Then he whipped a black beanie out of his back pocket and handed it to her. ‘Well, this is my very favourite hat. And I give it to you – my very favourite English fan.’

  The crowd suddenly found their voice again. I had to shove my fingers in my ears as girls broke out in to screams all around me. It was so loud it drowned out what happened next, which was Roland whispering something to Mouse, and then beckoning over a frantic-looking woman with a clipboard and a headset. The woman listened as Roland said something I couldn’t hear, and then, suddenly, all three of them turned and started walking back to one of the massive white trailers.

  Mouse span round to boggle her eyes at Connie and Keira, who were standing a f
ew metres away from me in the crowd, then she disappeared into the trailer behind Roland. I couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. Was she being very politely kidnapped?

  I could hear Connie gabbling away loudly with her own theories. ‘Oh my god, he’s clearly just fallen in love with her at first sight! Maybe he’s asked her to marry him!’ She gripped Keira’s shoulder. ‘Keira, they might literally be getting married in that trailer now!’

  ‘I suppose that’s a possibility,’ I heard Keira say. ‘I wonder what is going on.’

  A gaggle of hysterical little Rolandettes started screaming at Connie in broken English. ‘Who is that girl? Who is that girl?!’

  ‘She’s our friend, actually,’ Connie beamed, proudly. ‘So we’ll probably be bridesmaids at the wedding. Do you want an autograph?’

  I felt Max and Toddy squeeze through the crowd and stand right next to me.

  ‘Well,’ said Max, nodding at the trailer. ‘There goes any chance you had with Mouse, eh?’

  ‘Shut up, man.’ It did feel pretty unfair that she’d suddenly been spirited away by the most famous bloke in France after we’d had such an amazing chat. I couldn’t get over how easy and fun it was to talk to her.

  ‘Were you speaking to her before?’ Max asked.

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And what?’

  ‘And did you find out what was in the note?’

  ‘Will you shut up about the note? It doesn’t matter what was in it.’

  Max looked horrified. ‘Of course it matters!’ he hissed. ‘It could have been about me!’

  Connie was still rambling on about what might be happening inside the white trailer. ‘This is literally the craziest thing ever!’ she said. ‘Maybe we’ll get to actually meet Roland!’

  I felt Max bristle next to me. ‘These girls are just too much, honestly.’ He shouted over at Connie, ‘Even if you did meet Roland, you’d probably just blank him the next day for no reason, wouldn’t you?’

  Connie and Keira both turned to face him slowly, their eyes narrowed to tiny slits. ‘Excuse me?’ Keira snapped at Max. ‘Did you say something?’

  ‘Yeah, I did actually,’ Max huffed. ‘Just that, like, it was a bit out of order to not even acknowledge me and Jack when we came over to say hi this morning, that’s all. You might even say it was downright rude.’

  I tried to kick Max’s shin to shut him up, but there were so many legs next to mine that I couldn’t get a proper swing going.

  ‘Er, are you crazy?’ Keira shot back at him, jostling three little French girls out of the way, so that she and Connie were now stood right beside us. ‘Do you really think we were just going to be all nice and sweet to you after what happened?’

  I felt a flash of confused panic burst through me. Max was clearly equally stumped. ‘What do you mean “after what happened”?’ he demanded. ‘What did we do?’

  Keira coughed up a short, hollow laugh. ‘Oh, come on. We weren’t born yesterday, you know.’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Connie, fiercely. ‘We were born fourteen years ago. That’s a lot longer ago than yesterday. It’s like …’ She broke off, dreamily. ‘How many more days is that than yesterday? What’s fourteen multiplied by 365?’

  Keira swatted her away impatiently. ‘It doesn’t matter, Connie. The point is – they know exactly what they did.’

  Max squinted in confusion. ‘What the hell are you on about? We behaved like perfect gentlemen. Except when Jack got bitten by that hamster. Is that what you’re angry about?’

  ‘Rat,’ I corrected him, wishing he wasn’t talking quite so loudly. ‘It was definitely a rat.’

  ‘For the last time, Mr Jambon is a Dwarf Campbell’s Russian hamster,’ said Connie firmly. ‘And he doesn’t usually eat humans. He only eats salad.’ She frowned at me. ‘Your ankles must taste like salad, that’s all.’

  ‘They eat nuts as well, actually,’ said Toddy quietly. We all turned to look at him, and I saw his neck start to redden slightly. ‘I mean … I used to have a hamster, too, and I fed it nuts all the time.’

  ‘Nuts,’ Connie said, smiling. ‘Good idea. I’ll give Mr Jambon some nuts tonight.’

  ‘Honestly, the only nuts around here are you lot,’ Max snapped at Keira.

  ‘Well, I’d rather be nuts than morally bankrupt,’ she fired back.

  ‘You what?’ he laughed. ‘I’ve got loads of money! I’ve got fifty euros on me right now just to spend on fireworks and ninja stars!’

  Keira let out a loud sigh. ‘Morally bankrupt, you idiot. It means you’ve got no morals.’

  Max stood up straight. ‘Right, that’s it. I didn’t come here to be insulted.’

  ‘That’s a shame, because you’re very good at it,’ said Keira, and Connie doubled up laughing.

  Max jabbed his finger at Keira sternly. ‘Right. From now on, don’t speak to us on this trip. Keep away from us, yeah? You do your thing, we’ll do ours. And never the train shall meet.’

  ‘Twain,’ Toddy corrected him.

  ‘Or the twain.’ Max nodded.

  ‘Fine by us,’ said Keira. Max spun round angrily and barged through the crowd, with me and Toddy following him. I heard him huffing, ‘That Keira is ridiculous. How can someone so fit also be such a tool?’ He stopped and turned to me. ‘Thank god we’ve got Lauren and Scarlett as backup. You need to focus all your efforts on Lauren now, Jack. Trust me—’ He broke off and nodded at the white trailer. ‘Just forget about Mouse.’

  ‘OK, so the Roland ground rules. No speaking to Roland. No looking Roland directly in the eye. No touching Roland. No pictures with Roland. And absolutely no social media. OK? Great. Go ahead and sit down, honey.’

  The bonkers-looking woman with the clipboard pointed at a sofa where two girls covered from head to toe in Roland merchandise were sitting. As soon as we’d entered the trailer, Roland had been ushered straight back outside by more flustered women with clipboards, and I’d just been standing here, trying to figure out exactly what I had got myself into. All I knew was that Roland had definitely whispered to me, ‘You want to be in my video?’ and nodding had seemed like the only appropriate response.

  ‘Er … this isn’t homeroom, honey. Daydream in your own time, yeah?’ The woman jabbed her finger again at the sofa. She was wearing short leather shorts that kind of flared out like a tutu, with these really thick knitted Nordic socks that came right up her thighs, leaving a tiny strip of bare leg at the top. Her jumper had PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY YOU IDIOT across it in gold letters. Her hair was in two Heidi-type plaits over her head that seemed to accentuate her eyebrows, which already looked like they had been stencilled on from a Build Your Own Vampire kit. I had been expecting her to speak French but she was actually American.

  I followed her finger to the sofa, and sat down between a girl wearing a Roland visor and a girl who had those trainers that light up every so often. They looked at me suspiciously, and started muttering to each other in French. They were both really, really pretty. And then I heard some muffled sobs coming from a closed door.

  The crazy Nordic socks woman rolled her eyes. ‘OK, so it looks like …’ She clicked her fingers and shook her head.

  ‘Valentine,’ the girl with trainers said.

  The woman nodded. ‘Right, so it looks like Valentine is too …’ Another loud sob came from the bathroom. ‘Basically, Valentine’s not in a good place right now.’

  The girl with trainers looked genuinely shocked and then her lip started to wobble. ‘Valentine is not going to be in the video with us?’

  Nordic Socks looked like she was losing patience. ‘Honey, she is clearly too overwhelmed right now. If she broke down in tears because Roland was in the next trailer, she’s hardly going to cope with physically being in his presence, is she?’ More sobs. ‘But we are gonna hook her up with a signed calendar and five tubes of Roland-brand ‘I Love Your Smile’ minty-fresh toothpaste. It’s gonna be perfect, honey.’ She shouted the last bit at the toile
t door. ‘So, anyway …’ She smiled at me. ‘It’s actually worked out great because … what’s your name, baby girl?’

  ‘Erm … Mouse.’ As soon as I said it I wished I’d said Matilda. Or Mabel or Marmaduke, or any name that isn’t Mouse.

  ‘Mouse,’ she repeated. ‘God, I love the British. You kooksters.’

  ‘Mousse?’ said the girl with the visor, raising an eyebrow.

  I shook my head and then did the same mouse impression Connie had done for Jack. ‘Mouse.’

  Visor and Trainers exchanged a disgusted look.

  ‘Anyway, Mouse is going to take Valentine’s part in the scene,’ said Nordic Socks.

  Trainers eyed me suspiciously. ‘I haven’t seen you on Instagram …’

  ‘Did Mousse enter the competition?’ Visor Girl sounded almost angry.

  ‘Nope, but little Mr Perfect says he wants her in the video, so she’s in the video.’ The woman winked at me. ‘You obviously had quite an effect on him, honey.’ I blushed, and Trainers and Visor shot me the darkest of dark looks.

  ‘Anyway, hair and make-up in ten, ladies,’ said Nordic Socks. And then she disappeared out the door again, and it was just me, Visor, Trainers and the muffled sobs coming from the toilet.

  I didn’t really know what to say, sandwiched there between them. ‘Is Valentine OK?’ I offered.

  Neither of them answered. They just sat there talking in French across me. I took a deep breath to kind of steady myself. I looked at the door. I wondered if I could just leave. Run back outside to Connie and Keira. And Jack. I thought about the band name conversation, and started randomly daydreaming about going to one of his gigs and him dedicating a song to me. Then Trainers tapped me on the knee.

  ‘So, how big a Roland fan actually are you, Mousse? Do you know his middle name? Do you know his favourite food?’

  ‘Etienne. Prawn vindaloo,’ said Visor proudly, and Trainers shook her head. ‘I know you know, Chloé. I was asking Mousse.’ She turned back to me. ‘Do you know how he got the scar on his thumb? Or what his Cambodian tattoo means? Or—’