Never Evers Page 15

  ‘I hate being scared,’ I admitted. ‘I don’t even watch scary movies. I don’t think I’m like … a thrill-seeker. Mouse didn’t stick as a nickname for nothing.’

  ‘Well, there’s nothing you can do now. There’s only one way down. You can’t stay up here for ever.’

  I looked down the mountain and it was like every single part of me recoiled. Like my whole body was screaming ‘DON’T DO IT’. ‘You don’t understand. It just doesn’t feel natural. It’s totally against my instincts.’

  I thought about the barre at White Lodge and the mirror I had stared in to every day for years. I looked down at my feet. Even in ski boots they wanted to turn out. My spine wanted to be straight, not crouched. My whole body rejected what it was being told to do. Tania didn’t say anything and her silence pushed me on.

  ‘Everyone thought I would be great at skiing because I’m …’ I stopped myself before I said ‘good’. ‘Because I dance a lot. But skiing is the opposite of dancing. It’s like my instincts are telling me not to do it.’

  ‘Yeah, but is it your instincts or is it your fear?’ Tania said.

  I pulled my helmet down over the bump that my bun made underneath it. ‘How do you know which is which? Like, surely your instincts are there to protect you from things that can hurt you? That’s why you have them.’

  Tania lifted her goggles and looked at me. ‘Maybe, but it sounds kind of boring. Maybe you should go against your instincts just once and see how it feels?’ She smiled. ‘Are you gonna wear the Roland Hat for your first proper run?’

  I put the black beanie on underneath my helmet. ‘May the force of Roland be with me …’

  We stood in a line looking down at the mountain and one by one, like jumping off a diving board, people suddenly felt brave enough to do it. Keira pushed off with no warning and Connie followed with a scream. I stared down at the little figures slowly zigzagging back and forth. Then I realized that I was the only one left.

  I edged forward until it just sort of happened. And then I was doing it. It was like the speed made me feel everything without really thinking about it. I went faster and the wind hit my face hard and it was like I was pushing myself to make it even scarier than it already was.

  I saw the bottom coming and remembered to snowplough just in time. Tania was sitting, smiling up at me, and as I waved at her, I realized I was laughing.

  ‘Hat Girl comes in first!’ Tania whooped. ‘You looked great up there. It may feel wrong but it looks really right.’

  ‘I did it!’

  ‘Yeah, you did.’

  ‘Am I really first?’ I looked back up at the slope. Connie was flat on her back and Keira was wobbling along centimetres at a time.

  ‘Yeah. Gold medal. And do you know what your prize is?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You get to see your boyfriend again …’

  Jack

  All I could think as we traipsed across the tough, crunchy snow was: what am I going to say to Roland?

  We’d told Basti that we wanted to spend our free afternoon time watching Roland’s press conference. Despite seeming a bit confused that we were more interested in French pop singers than snowboarding, he’d said that was fine. So now we were making the long trek back up the mountain to the music video set.

  I hadn’t exactly been honest with Max or Toddy about what had happened with Mouse. I couldn’t bring myself to tell them the humiliating truth, so I’d just lied and said that she wasn’t interested in Roland. Max had just laughed. ‘Not surprising, really, is it? After all, he does look like you.’

  Lying to those two was one thing, but lying to Roland was going to be a whole different matter. What was I supposed to say? I could hardly tell him the truth. ‘Sorry, Roland – I know I was supposed to ask Mouse out for you, but in the end, I just asked her out for me instead. And, in case you’re wondering, she said no. So, we’re both screwed, really. Anyway, can you get our band a record deal now, please?’

  Max didn’t even seem particularly bothered about the Roland stuff. He was just banging on about Scarlett and Lauren.

  ‘I honestly think Lauren busting her ankle is the best thing that’s happened on this trip,’ he said, as we joined the queue for the lift. ‘I mean, breakfast this morning was amazing. Did you see the look on Jamie’s face when we sat down with them?! Lauren was all over you, Jack, and Scarlett was absolutely loving my banter. And, Toddy, you even spoke to Melody!’

  ‘I asked her to pass me the butter,’ Toddy said.

  ‘Yeah, and did she pass it?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Well, there you go! There’s a connection! You’ve got this whole butter thing going on between you now.’ Me and Toddy glanced at each other. ‘I honestly reckon we’ll all definitely be off zero by the end of this week,’ Max carried on. ‘Now it’s just about who gets there first.’

  It did feel like something could happen with Lauren. I had no idea why she liked me, but she definitely did seem to. I kept telling myself to forget Mouse and just focus on trying to get off with Lauren, but it was impossible. Even though she’d rejected me, I wanted her more than ever. How was that fair?

  After a few minutes’ wait, we finally got on to the belt and whirred our way up the mountain. The video set looked pretty much the same as it had two days ago, except for a wobbly-looking stage that had been set up in the space where Roland and Mouse had been dancing. The area around the two massive white trailers was still cordoned off, and all around the cordons were huddles of serious-looking French blokes, with cameras and voice recorders, jostling for position next to the mad, glitter-faced Roland fans.

  We followed Max as he shoulder-barged his way to the front of the crowd, where a terrifying-looking bald bloke in a black suit and sunglasses was standing.

  ‘Er … Bonjour,’ Max said to him. ‘Do you speak anglais?’

  The bald bloke nodded. ‘Cool,’ said Max. ‘Well, basically, we’re big mates of Roland’s. So if you don’t mind letting us through, that’d be great.’

  The bald bloke pushed his sunglasses up on to his dome-like head, so he could examine Max more closely.

  ‘You are Roland’s friends?’ he said, in his thick French accent. We nodded. ‘Everyone here is Roland’s friends,’ he laughed.

  ‘No, but we really are,’ Max insisted. ‘Honestly, he told us to come. Ask him.’

  A few girls around us piped up, pleadingly, in broken English. ‘Yes, he told us to come, too! We’re his friends, too!’

  The bald bloke laughed another big, booming laugh. ‘You see? Everyone here is Roland’s friend. And everyone here is staying behind this barrier.’ Then he flicked his sunglasses back down, as if to indicate the conversation was over.

  Max whipped out his phone and shot a selfie of the three of us. Then he handed it to the bald bloke. ‘Please, mate … just show Roland this picture and say we’re outside. Just see what he says, honestly.’

  The bald bloke sighed. ‘Do you promise to go away and not come back if I do this?’

  ‘Yeah, cross our hearts,’ grinned Max.

  The bloke took the phone and slouched off into the trailer. A couple of seconds later, he came shuffling back. He looked at us for a second, then shrugged, handed Max his phone back, and lifted the plastic barrier so we could duck underneath it, triumphantly.

  We opened the door of the trailer to find Roland slumped grumpily on a red sofa, in his tatty leather jacket, a pair of huge sunglasses pushed up in to his floppy hair. He was getting yelled at by a tiny, but very loud, American woman with long blonde pigtails.

  ‘I don’t care if you don’t want to do it, mister! You’re doing it!’ she shouted. ‘If you think I’m cancelling a press conference at the last minute, you can think again! And as for you and Hayley Kwarseany, as far as the press goes, you’re an item! And that’s final!’

  She spun round violently, and clocked us three, her already angry face getting instantly angrier. ‘And who the hell are these guys?’ She sq
uinted at me, and then looked at Roland. ‘Are you related, or something?’

  ‘It’s fine,’ muttered Roland. ‘They are my English friends.’

  The woman eyed us cautiously. ‘Right, well, whatever. They need to be outta here asap, Roland. Press conference starts in thirty minutes.’ She stormed past us and flung the door open. Just as she was about to step through, she turned back and glared at Roland. ‘And don’t even think about moving from this trailer, buddy. Remember I can see you through the window.’ And with that, she slammed the door so hard the whole trailer shook.

  ‘She seems nice,’ said Toddy.

  Roland laughed. ‘It’s good to see you guys again.’ He stood up and sighed. ‘Cooper is just angry because I don’t want to do the press conference. I am getting sick of being this puppet who has always to do what he’s told, you know? They are now even trying to put me in a “showmance” with some American singer I’ve never even met.’ He paused. ‘“Showmance” – is this the right word?’

  ‘Well, it’s not actually a word,’ frowned Toddy. ‘But, yeah, I think it is the right word.’

  ‘Anyway, we don’t have much time,’ Roland said. ‘Did you speak to Mouse for me?’

  Max cleared his throat, nervously, and glanced at me.

  ‘Erm … yeah,’ I started. ‘I did speak to her, Roland.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘Well, she … erm … well, it’s sort of difficult.’ I frowned, to show just how difficult it was.

  He stared at me, unblinking, his expression unreadable. ‘What?’ He sounded impatient.

  ‘She … erm … I just don’t think she was interested, that’s all.’

  He looked at me in silence for a few seconds. ‘Did she misunderstand you? You told her I liked her?’

  Not exactly, I thought. But I said, ‘Yeah.’

  ‘And you’re telling me she wasn’t interested?’

  I shook my head. ‘In me?’

  I nodded.

  He blinked quickly a few times, like he was trying hard to understand this, but he just couldn’t. Then he shook his head. He didn’t look sad, or even annoyed. Just totally, totally confused.

  ‘But I’m … Roland,’ he said blankly.

  ‘Yeah, we know,’ said Max.

  ‘It’s just … this doesn’t normally happen to me with girls,’ said Roland, examining his hands, as if to check he wasn’t disappearing. ‘Maybe I have lost my touch. Or even worse … my looks.’

  He stepped sideways, in front of a full-length mirror, and stared at his reflection.

  ‘No,’ he said, after a second. ‘My looks are still good.’ He turned to me. ‘You must have done something wrong, Jack. She must have misheard you.’ He exhaled loudly, frustrated. ‘I should have tried to do it myself!’

  ‘Well, why don’t you?’ said Max, peering out the window.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I mean, she’s outside now.’

  We all clamoured to join him at the window. There, at the side of the still-growing crowd, were Mouse, Connie and Keira.

  Roland suddenly started pacing the whole length of the trailer, excitedly. ‘This is it! I’m going to speak to her!’

  ‘But didn’t your crazy lady say that you couldn’t leave the trailer?’ said Toddy. ‘And won’t you also get, like, swamped by mental girls the minute you go out there?’

  Roland sighed and slumped back down on to the sofa, defeated. ‘It’s true.’

  Toddy nodded at me, and grinned. ‘You could always get your stunt double here to stand in for you.’

  Max laughed, but Roland was suddenly staring at me with a scary intensity. He stood up and walked over to me. ‘Jack … Yes … Would you do this for me?’

  I blinked. ‘What? You’re not serious?’

  He was pacing the trailer again, more excited than ever. ‘Yes! You would just have to sit here, just so Cooper thinks I haven’t disappeared. Then I can go out and speak to Mouse, and I will be back in ten minutes, maximum.’

  ‘But I don’t even look that much like you!’ I laughed. ‘I mean, what about our eyes? They’re completely different.’

  He pulled the massive sunglasses out of his hair and slipped them on to my face. The whole world went coffee-coloured, and Toddy whistled. ‘It’s true – without the eye thing, you really are dead ringers.’

  ‘It’s perfect!’ beamed Roland. He reached up and started sweeping my hair sideways.

  ‘Oi!’ I whacked his hand away, but he kept doing it. ‘Just to make it a little more convincing. Please, Jack.’

  I looked at Max and Toddy, as Roland continued to side-sweep my hair. ‘It would be quite jokes,’ Max grinned. ‘And it’s only for ten minutes.’

  I looked at Roland, and the guilty twisting in my stomach reminded me that I really did owe him one.

  ‘Fine,’ I said. ‘But you’d better be quick.’

  ‘Great!’ He peeked out of the window to see Cooper barking orders at some frightened-looking women. ‘Let’s do this, quickly.’

  I gave him my hoodie, and he gave me his black leather jacket. He pulled the blue hood right up, and grabbed another pair of sunglasses off one of the racks. ‘You two better come with me,’ he said to Max and Toddy. ‘Just so Cooper thinks all three of you are leaving.’

  ‘This is mental,’ said Max, shaking his head. ‘Brilliant, but mental.’

  ‘Back soon,’ said Roland.

  Toddy gave me a thumbs-up, and then the three of them were gone.

  I stood there in the empty trailer, my heart tap-tap-tapping under Roland’s black leather jacket, wondering what I’d got myself into. I tried to imagine what Roland might be saying to Mouse. Whether anyone would figure out it was really him. But mainly I just prayed that he’d come back as soon as possible.

  Then, after what seemed like twenty years, the door finally opened.

  But it wasn’t Roland. It wasn’t even Max or Toddy.

  ‘Right, change of plan, buddy,’ said Cooper, beckoning me frantically towards the door. ‘Press conference starts now.’

  ‘Keira, I’m not that heavy. It’s because you aren’t thinking ogre. Think ogre,’ Connie said.

  ‘Try and lock your core. Like clench your tummy muscles,’ I said.

  ‘I don’t have any muscles in my tummy. Why don’t you carry her?’ Keira made a kind of Marge Simpson groaning noise and swayed unsteadily. For a second I thought Connie would tumble forward into the snow again but she didn’t. Keira inched herself upright and Connie sat resplendent on her shoulders. She waved like the Queen at no one in particular.

  ‘I feel like a pigeon,’ Connie said. ‘Or Google Maps. I can see everything from up here.’

  ‘Can you see Roland and a trailer full of pastries and cheese toasties?’ Keira said. ‘Because that is where we could be right now. Eating crème brûlée and watching Roland tell you you’re cute.’ She turned a bit too quickly towards me and Connie squealed.

  Some girls next to us started whispering to each other and looking at me, and then one not-very-subtly took a picture of me on her phone. I pulled my hood up looked down.

  ‘He probably doesn’t even remember me,’ I said. He probably didn’t. He’d probably got off with about fifteen people since then, including a spattering of models and some pop stars.

  ‘Or he could have killed himself,’ Connie said matter-of-factly. ‘You know, out of dreadful grief at not seeing you again.’

  ‘Which would be a good excuse for not being here. Does it look like anything’s about to happen? Because I’m getting bored.’

  Connie squinted and shook her head. ‘Still just a mountain and a stage without Roland on it.’ She sighed.

  It wasn’t just us who were getting antsy, everyone was sick of waiting. Scarlett and Melody had even wandered to the edge of the crowd and started taking selfies and talking to a random group of boys.

  ‘Walk to that tree,’ Connie said. ‘I think my wand is calling to me.’

  Keira swayed unsteadily and tur
ned around.

  ‘Onwards, steed,’ Connie shouted.

  There were about the same number of people as there had been the day of the shoot, but there were fewer screaming girls and more adults. Photographers and journalists stood around holding microphones in one hand and cups of coffee in the other.

  It finally felt like something might be going to happen. I turned but Connie and Keira had vanished. The crowd was jostling with people trying to get closer to the front. Someone squeezed in next to me. I noticed the thumb poking through the scraggy jumper and for the first time I didn’t panic but felt this rush of excitement. It was Jack. I wanted to speak to him about yesterday. I opened my mouth—

  ‘Mouse.’ A loud whisper came through the scarf. ‘Mouse. It is me.’

  The accent was unmistakable. And then he pulled his glasses down his nose like a teacher finding everything really tiresome.

  His blue eyes twinkled, and he nodded, a huge grin meeting mine. Like a mischievous child who had outwitted the grown-ups. The crowd surged and we were thrown even closer together. My face was centimetres from his.

  ‘Roland? What are you doing here?’ I hissed. Suddenly there was an enormous cheer and some screams. ‘And if you’re here …’ I pointed to the stage. ‘Who is that?’

  Jack

  Through the weird coffee-filtered glaze of the sunglasses, I could see a boiling sea of people. Blokes with microphones, screaming girls, confused-looking families who’d clearly just come along to see what the fuss was about. And, right at the far edge of the crowd, Toddy and Max, their mouths hanging open, their eyes on stalks.

  I tried to think straight. To process exactly what was happening to me. But all I could hear was a strange hissing noise inside my head, like a kettle boiling. Something had gone spectacularly, monumentally, unbelievably wrong. I was stood on a stage in front of more people than I could even count. And they all thought I was France’s biggest pop star.

  Cooper had ushered me up the little set of stairs to the stage, and a weaselly-looking guy I’d never seen before was stood with his arm around me, smiling at the audience. I was terrified he would be able to feel me trembling and suddenly clock that something was wrong. The real Roland blatantly didn’t tremble in these kinds of situations. But the weaselly bloke just patted my shoulder, and then walked forwards and said something to the crowd in French.