Never Evers Page 19

  ‘OK, enough of the mushy stuff,’ Keira said. ‘We need to get this show on the road.’

  ‘Please can I put the Mamma Mia! soundtrack on?’ Connie said.

  ‘Is that still your favourite album?’ I laughed.

  ‘Yes it is actually,’ Connie said. ‘It’s a timeless classic. Sixteen million people can’t be wrong.’

  ‘Well, they clearly can and are,’ said Keira, but as soon as Connie put the album on, she was singing along to every track with us.

  It took me a whole hour to blow-dry my hair, and then Keira painted my nails lilac and covered them in little daisy stencils. I went in to the bathroom to do my make-up. I put eyeliner on for the first time, tracing a thin, dark line right round each eye. When I came out, Keira was lying on the floor with a mirror, drawing flowers on her stomach with a silver pen.

  ‘What are you going to wear?’ I asked.

  Connie pointed at her bunk where she had laid out jeans and a pink vest top that still had the labels on.

  ‘My mum bought me this,’ Keira said and walked over to her bag and took out a short black dress. ‘She, like, knew there was a disco and got excited about it. She’s an objectively lame person. If she’d had her way she’d have given birth to Armenian Malibu Barbie.’

  ‘I wish my mum had bought me a dress specially. And yours must know you a bit because it is black. She could have bought you a pink one.’

  Keira sighed. ‘Suppose. What are you gonna wear?’

  I took out the flowery top and jeans I had brought for the disco. ‘What do you think?’

  Keira smiled and held up the dress. ‘I think you should wear the Malibu Barbie. It’s not really my vibe anyway.’

  I pulled it on in the bathroom and looked at myself. My hair reached my waist, with a tiny plait down one side. Keira had drawn a little silver flower on my shoulder. I looked so different to normal, and I felt different too. Like whatever happened, it was going to be fun. And we would be together, and come back and wedge ourselves into one bunk like sardines, and talk about it all night.

  I stepped back in to the room and Keira wolf-whistled.

  ‘You look like a film star,’ Connie said.

  ‘You actually do,’ Keira said. She was wearing baggy black trousers and a cut-off T-shirt to show off all the artwork on her belly.

  ‘Is the old man who lives on your leg ready?’ I said to Connie.

  ‘Malcolm can’t wait.’ Connie waved her leg at me.

  ‘Are you ready to see Jack?’ Keira smiled.

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘Yes. I don’t know.’

  And then we all squealed out of the room and down the corridor.

  The main hall had been cleared of all the chairs and was now dark except for the colourful disco lights by the DJ’s table. There were little bunches of purple-and-green balloons floating around, and the sugary Euro-pop was already going strong.

  As soon as I walked in I scanned the room for Jack, and when he wasn’t there I felt disappointed and relieved at the same time.

  ‘When Jack walks in are you going to act like you see him or like you are so busy and fabulous you don’t see him?’ Keira asked.

  ‘Shhhh,’ I said but squeezed her hand tight.

  ‘I’m going to request Mamma Mia,’ Connie said and ran over to talk to the DJ who seemed a bit annoyed to be interrupted during his set.

  Lauren was sat with her crutches on the other side of the room. She smiled at me and waved. I wondered why. She had ignored me last night at the restaurant. Her waves were always to disguise something else she was thinking; I wondered what it was. But it didn’t really matter. We could both exist in one room, one school, one universe and it would be OK. I had Connie and Keira, and they would stick up for me through anything.

  ‘It’s gone really quickly,’ Keira said.

  Monday morning sitting next to Mum felt distant but perfectly in focus at the same time.

  ‘I think rejection is the worst thing anyone can experience,’ I said to Keira.

  She nodded. ‘Me too.’

  I thought about the day I found out I hadn’t been good enough. Maybe I will always think about that before anything good might be going to happen. Maybe it will always be there, waiting. But maybe I’ll just learn to live with it. Like a bruise inside that never goes away but just becomes part of you.

  Then I saw Jack. I definitely saw him before he saw me because I hadn’t stopped watching the door since we arrived. I gripped Keira’s arm and she smiled at me.

  A few groups of girls had started dancing in little circles across the hall. Connie ran back over just as Mamma Mia started playing. She was clapping her hands in delight. ‘He’s playing it.’ She screamed a bit too loudly, like all her dreams had come true. We had to dance; it was her favourite.

  We slowly shuffled out on to the edge of the dance floor. Connie immediately started dancing wildly. Keira shuffled in a kind of cool sway from side to side. I couldn’t look at Jack, but in my head I felt like he was looking at me.

  I started dancing, and the more I danced, the more I remembered how much I loved dancing. Jack being there, knowing about the lie, made me feel freer. Like it was OK to have fun dancing. Because he was there, and he knew about the lie, and he still liked me. Whatever kind of like it was, he definitely liked me. I looked over at him and our eyes met. My stomach flipped over and I felt like I might vomit all over Connie there and then. I looked back over at Lauren to remind myself not to get carried away; he belonged to her.

  After a few songs we left the dance floor and bought a drink. ‘Do you think he’ll come over and talk to you?’ Keira said. The longer me and Jack went without actually speaking to each other, the more nervous I got about it happening.

  ‘Right, Connie, come on,’ Keira said. ‘Let’s go to the toilet. If Mouse is alone he’ll have to come and speak to her.’

  ‘Please don’t leave me,’ I hissed desperately, but they were already gone.

  I was completely alone. I sipped my drink and looked at the floor and then he was there. Keira’s boy tactics were obviously well tried and tested.

  ‘Hey,’ he said.

  ‘Hey.’ We both looked down at the floor.

  Neither of us spoke. It felt awkward and horrible. Not like on the slopes. It felt like we were drowning in silence. The longer it went on the harder it felt to think of anything to say to break it.

  ‘Did you have a good last day?’ he finally said.

  I nodded. ‘Yeah, I didn’t know I was going to get so bruised,’ I said. ‘Connie has a bruise she has named Malcolm.’ I smiled as widely as I could to hide it all.

  He looked at the floor and shuffled his feet. He didn’t even smile. He took a deep breath, like he was about to say something. And then I saw Lauren, hobbling across the room. She looked really pretty, but she always does. She’s one of those people, whatever she wears and whatever she’s doing, she always looks polished and perfect.

  ‘Hey, guys,’ she said and leant over and hugged me and then hugged Jack.

  ‘Hey,’ I said and smiled.

  Jack was bright red. He looked younger suddenly, like a little boy.

  I looked up for Connie and Keira. I wanted them to come back. I felt outnumbered. I tried to look normal.

  ‘So,’ Lauren said, smiling. ‘How’s your friend Roland? Have you heard from him since you … whatever that was that you did?’

  I shook my head. I wanted Jack to say something to defend me but he didn’t say anything. I looked again for Connie and Keira but they were nowhere. Scarlett and Melody crossed the room and hugged Jack.

  ‘Hey, Mouse,’ they trilled, but neither of them hugged me.

  ‘I was just asking Mouse about her celebrity-stalking,’ Lauren said.

  ‘You know you can get arrested for that, right?’ Scarlett said.

  ‘Maybe you should get a massive tattoo of his face,’ Melody laughed. ‘To show what a super fan you are.’

  Jack was still looking at the floor.


  ‘Are you gonna stay in touch with him?’ Melody smiled. ‘When you live in Paris?’ Her voice had a mocking edge to it.

  ‘Yeah, when you live in Paris you and him can be utter besties,’ Scarlett laughed.

  ‘When you’re dancing every night at the Paris Opera House. You’ll probably be the first fourteen-year-old to ever get the lead in Swan Lake,’ Lauren added. ‘Being so amazing and everything.’

  My heart started racing. I had no idea what to say. How did they know? The only person I’d told had been Jack. Jack, who was standing right next to me, staring at the ground like he wanted it to swallow him up. I balled up my fists and dug my nails into my skin. He couldn’t have told them … He wouldn’t. And then Keira and Connie were there.

  ‘Mouse, are you OK?’ Connie said.

  I looked at the floor. I couldn’t speak. I just tried to keep breathing.

  ‘She’s fine,’ Lauren said. ‘We’re just talking to her about ballet school next year.’

  ‘Oui, oui,’ Connie nodded. But I could tell she knew something weird was happening.

  ‘Are you going to go and stay with Mouse in Paris?’ Lauren’s voice had an unmistakable edge. Connie didn’t know what was happening.

  ‘What’s your problem?’ Keira said.

  ‘What’s your problem, weirdo?’ Lauren said back.

  Keira shook her head and muttered something under her breath.

  ‘What was that?’ Scarlett said. ‘At least have the guts to say it out loud.’

  ‘I was just saying you’re a bunch of rancid, pathetic losers,’ Keira said, staring Scarlett right in the eyes.

  ‘That’s weird. Mouse was saying how much you loved Scarlett’s family.’ Lauren smiled fakely. Keira looked like someone had punched her.

  ‘For the record,’ Scarlett said, ‘my brother thinks you’re a gross, hairy monster and would never get with you.’

  Keira stood completely still. It was like time was going slowly. I tried to look at her but she was just staring at the floor.

  ‘You’re just jealous that Keira and Mouse are prettier than you and that Mouse is special,’ Connie said, proudly and defiantly. ‘You wish you were a good enough dancer to be going to ballet school in Paris.’

  Keira had started to cry. Connie reached down and held her hand.

  ‘You’re such an idiot,’ Lauren laughed. ‘I feel sorry for you. She’s not going to ballet school in Paris. She’s got problems. She’s a compulsive liar. She got chucked out of White Lodge. She’s an attention-seeking fantasist. She thinks Roland wants her. She tells everyone she’s going to some super-cool Paris ballet school, when really she got kicked out of her old one. She makes up stories, Connie. She’s special, all right.’ Lauren laughed and Connie crumpled.

  ‘Mouse … ? You are going to ballet school in Paris, right?’ Connie’s eyes were huge, staring in to mine.

  Keira looked at me. ‘Did you make it up?’

  The bruise inside me thumped and thudded. I dug my nails in harder but I knew I couldn’t stop the tears for much longer. And then I just ran. As fast as I could. And I let them begin.

  Jack

  I was frozen to the spot. I felt like I was ten seconds behind everyone else. What the hell had just happened?

  I watched Mouse disappear out of the hall, and turned back to see that Keira was scowling at me intensely through her tears.

  Lauren leant in to say something, but it was like my ears were bunged up with cotton wool. All I could hear was a weird buzzing sound and the muffled thud-thud-thud of the awful Euro-disco.

  ‘What?’ I shouted, over the music.

  She leant in closer. ‘I said, sorry about that. She just thinks she’s so much better than she really is. You can’t go around lying all the time and not expect to get caught out, y’know?’

  I blinked in confusion. Surely they all knew that Mouse had been kicked out of ballet school? I’d assumed that the Paris lie had been something she’d only told me. A horrible, cold feeling started to bleed through me.

  Lauren shuffled closer to me on her crutches, until our shoes were touching at the toes. We were at the centre of a little crowd that had gathered to watch the shouting match, and suddenly all eyes were on us. She tilted her chin upwards, smiling. Then she closed her eyes, and leant in towards me. The weird buzzing in my ears clicked up a notch. My head felt like it had a pillow wrapped around it. This was it. It was happening now. In front of everyone.

  Don’t bottle it, Jack.

  Her lips brushed mine, and I jolted my head back, instinctively. She blinked her eyes open, and a silent bristle of tension seemed to shoot through the crowd. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Max running his hands over his hair.

  ‘Jack, what are you doing?’ Lauren hissed, her smile just wide enough to make it look like nothing was wrong.

  I shrugged.

  ‘Look, if this is about Mouse … you shouldn’t feel bad for her,’ she whispered. ‘She had it coming, trust me.’

  ‘I don’t know if she did, really,’ I said, starting to feel hot with anger. ‘She hasn’t done anything except have her dream of being a dancer ripped off her. I don’t think that stuff about Paris was her trying to impress people, or look cool. It was just about trying to convince herself that her life wasn’t really over. That she still might have a chance. So, no, Lauren, she didn’t have it coming. At all.’

  Lauren stared at me. I got the sudden impression that no one had ever argued with her before in her whole life. She’d just had fourteen years of people nodding and agreeing. It was like she didn’t know how to react.

  ‘Yeah, well, fine,’ she said, slowly. ‘Whatever. I guess I just don’t think it’s cool to lie to everyone the whole time. I think, at some point, you’ve got to stop pretending, and just be who you actually are … You know what I mean?’

  I did know what she meant. Completely. I had to stop pretending, too. ‘Yeah. Look, sorry, Lauren. But I don’t … We’re not going out. I mean, I don’t know if we ever actually were going out, but if you thought we were, then, y’know, we’re not.’ I paused. ‘Sorry.’

  She looked like someone had just emptied a bucket of water over her. Like she was too shocked to speak. She just opened and closed her mouth a few times, but no sound came out.

  I turned and walked away quickly, pushing through the dense clump of people around us. As I squeezed through, I heard Jamie laugh, ‘And the lead singer of The Bottlers does it again …’

  I kept going without even looking back at him. I suddenly didn’t care what anyone else thought. It didn’t feel like I’d bottled anything. It felt like, for once in my life, I’d actually been brave.

  My whole brain was focused on finding Mouse, and making sure she was OK.

  Before I could open the door to the corridor, Max stopped me with a squeeze on the arm. ‘Jack, man …’ He was shaking his head, but I didn’t even let him start.

  ‘Max, I know what you think, but I don’t care. You go and get off with Scarlett. You go and win the bet. I just need to find Mouse.’

  I wriggled my arm free, and hurried out in to the hallway. I rushed in to the reception area, and was just about to head down the corridor towards Mouse’s room, when the main doors swung open and a wall of noise hit me.

  The huge bald bloke was muttering into his earpiece, and the mad American pigtails woman was jabbering loudly into her phone. And, at the centre of them all, grinning brightly at the star-struck receptionist, was Roland.

  ‘Ah, Jack! Excellent timing.’

  ‘Roland? What … what are you doing here?’

  ‘We’re asking ourselves the same question, honey, trust me,’ said the American woman, snapping her phone shut, and shooting a withering glance around the reception area.

  Roland tilted his head to the side and looked at her. ‘Cooper, please. You promised. Just for tonight.’

  ‘Ugh, fine.’ She motioned for the bald bloke to follow her and sit down on one of the benches.

  ‘So, wha
t are you doing here?’ I asked him.

  ‘Isn’t it obvious?’ he smiled. ‘I came to get my jacket back.’

  ‘Oh, right … yeah.’

  ‘That thing cost more than my three snowmobiles put together. The zip is made of real diamonds.’

  ‘Yeah, sure. Sorry.’

  There was a pause, and then he exploded in to laughter. ‘No, come on! I am joking with you, Jack!’ He put his hand on my shoulder. ‘I came to say goodbye. The video is now finished, and tomorrow I go on tour. Germany, Austria, Switzerland, and some more countries I can’t exactly remember. Maybe Poland? Anyway, after all that happened yesterday, I couldn’t just leave without saying goodbye, you know?’

  ‘Right, no, of course. Look, I’m sorry if I made you look a total nutter yesterday, Roland. I just sort of … panicked.’

  ‘Don’t worry. Like Cooper says, “All publicity is good publicity”.’ He whipped his phone out of his pocket. ‘I have been trending constantly since your stunt on the stage. People think I have lost my mind, but … they’re talking about me. And buying my songs. So, maybe craziness is the way forward.’

  ‘Oh. Well … good.’

  He grinned at me, and I felt a sudden jab of guilt about Mouse. I had to come clean.

  ‘Roland, I’ve got to tell you something. That stuff I said about Mouse not being interested in you. I was lying. I never even asked her.’

  His face stayed blank. He didn’t even blink. I kept talking. ‘I was going to tell her, I promise, but, the thing is … I like her, too. A lot, I think. And I knew she’d pick you over me.’

  The edges of his mouth flickered upwards. ‘How did you know that?’

  ‘Because … well, look at you.’

  ‘Yes, and look at you,’ he shrugged. ‘We don’t look so different, most people seem to think.’

  ‘Yeah, but … you’re a famous singer.’

  ‘And you’re the frontman of a band.’

  ‘A band with no name.’

  He laughed. ‘I have a feeling you will have a name soon. And once you do, you might get as famous as me.’

  ‘Look, whatever. What I’m saying is, I’m sorry I never told her. You should tell her now. Yourself.’